The Ship

Gavin Brown

The Ship

To blame the rudder for her death

Or say it was a fault of mine

Would still keep me in my poor state

I cling to what once took my breath.

Her mast was weak and pieces split.

The sails were torn and of no use.

The helm would lead against my want.

No target that my guns could hit.

So to the keel I placed my charge.

Amongst the kegs and casks below.

My hope no longer rests with you.

Your anchor I must now discharge.

For fear is like the looming storm.

That keeps the mates up through the night.

It dwells between the old bulkheads.

Where faith and hope can find no dorm.

I pray that all the lamps are lit.

Like little children’s faces bright.

For when I see that nearing shore.

Yes on her bed of sand I’ll sit.

Long Distance Relationships

During my Facebook sabbatical, I have noticed one humorous and yet disturbing thing about our culture.
-Materialism, well who doesn't already realize that on a normal college student you can find a cell phone, iPod, Laptop, and a plethora of credit cards in his or her wallet. But I've always noticed how we desire the latest stuff that will only be out of date within a few months.

No, I have come to notice how keen we are on announcing our presence in this loud, crazy, chaotic world. The idea of people knowing what goes on inside our heads drives us to do crazy things. Its a need that has crossed all borders, all religions, beliefs, cultures, races... pretty much every human classification known to man. We can't start our day without first letting the world know that we have woken up.

Let me say this plainly- Twitter is weird. I don't get it. How does me updating the community of followers whats happening during my day positively add to someone's day.

"@gavinbrown is driving to Starbucks for a pick me up, then off to the gym to attempt a work out- ah! mla! I am so out of shape!"

"@gavinbrown just saw two people walking in the horseshoe holding hands... Ah, I love the fall..."

"@gavinbrown is doing homework, then meeting @jimmywhoever for some coffee and whatever... gotta love fridays!!!"

Yeah, this is what it sounds like to read twitter.

Somewhere along the way, we found that the more we people we know, the more enjoyable/filling/idk life is. We want all of these relationships, but there isn't enough hours in the day for us to spend with these people. So we resolve to only know people by their photo albums, their groups, and friends on Facebook.

And even though culture now almost requires us to use these forms of communication to stay in touch with people (and by require, I mean, gives us no choice) we find ourselves becoming more
distanced from each other. The distance possibility of interaction between two people at computer screens is rated at infinity. Whether your next to each other, or on opposite sides of the world, it feels the same.

Weight

Its the word that makes everyone cringe. And no matter how big or how little you are, society has taught us to hate the word weight.

Examples:
A bush pilot must know the exact weight of every person on board his plane and every piece of cargo on board. Why you ask, so he knows how much fuel to carry.

A horse can support safely 275 pds. I wonder what "Big Bad John" rode?

Anyway, weight is just a weird word, defined by Webster as " a body's mass or the quantity of matter contained by it." Its an interesting definition, and relates specifically to Physics.

I hated Physics. In High School, Mr. Kinard was our schools Physic teacher. Background- Turned down numerous college positions and, is one of the graders for the AP Physics exam.

Needless to say, I was screwed from the beginning. I was in class every morning 45 minutes before school started getting help with my homework. I say all that to say that what I learned in that class has been more applicable in my life than I ever imagined. It was the one subject that when I went to college, and took it again, coasted through it, because of his teaching.

So, Weight. Just say the word. The more you say it, the less scary it becomes, at least for me.

The definition uses several words that must be noted. Mass and matter.

Mass reminds me of Play Dough. It just sits there staring at you, dead, cold and lumpy. It contributes nothing, it gives off some weird satisfaction of having a dough like substance in your hands. It doesn't return anything, no matter how much it weighs.

Then I look t the word matter. Matter doesn't bring to mind a dough like substance, or anything to be honest. What matter brings to mind is...worth. When something "matters", it has value, a purpose, weight. If you matter to someone, they value what you are to them, your love, friendship, whatever, has weight. It has matter. It takes an effort to make it alive and give it worth.

I am a firm believer that the idea of free love is a cheap way to love one another. I am convenienced that loving someone is a choice, not a feeling, or feelings or a jar of emotions. I am positive that LOVE is one true LOVE when it has weight to it; it has matter, and it matters, and the other person matters.

Maybe its just a play on words, but look at it this way.

A person hands you a bag, and says that it contains 5 million dollars. They also tell you that you have to take it no questions asked, which of course you do. They tell you the bag was just for you, then they walk away.

You open it.

And find that it contained compressed oxygen that gave the bag weight.

It was empty.

This is the worlds view on love. It has all the characteristics of love, but unpack it, an its nothing.
Same scenario, except when you open it, it has rocks. Now it contains mass, in the rocks, but unless there's a dang big diamond somewhere in there, then its worthless, and in essence, the bag is empty.

This is what OUR world has to offer us.

Christ's death, although probably the most painful one ever experienced by a human, was the same as everyone. His heart slowed, then stopped. Blood flow to the brain stopped, and eventually, his entire physical self experienced death.

But his mattered. It was buried like every other dead human. But he was not just a mass, he mattered.

It had weight, it wasn't empty.

When you open it up, its extraordinary and uncomprehending.

The only way I can describe God's love is through nature.

One Night, I was deer hunting in a favorite spot of mine in my hometown. I climbed a thick pine at the junction of three streams. In front of me was a little knoll the had a fence running through the middle up it, obviously for cows. If you weren't careful, you'd walk into it.

I saw a young doe come off the hill towards me. As she got closer, she came to the fence. It now stood between her and the white oak acorns on the ground below me. She starred at the fence for what seemed like hours.

Then, with one fluid motion, here muscles flexed, and her body leaped to the other side. I'd seen deer jump hundreds of times, but it something about this that shook me. It was as if God had clapped. I knew in that very moment that if God created her to do that, He HAS to love me.

And his love is full.

Here We All Go

We all are going places in the next few days, weeks, months and years. My good friend Dom and I will be in Texas until August 16th, another good friend Jordan is leaving for Guatemala on Saturday to do mission work. Tons of friends are taking internships, doing summer work in other cities, states or countries.

But by the grace of God we will all return to the normalcy of college.

Then there's people like my sister Meagan, who will be married in August, or my cousin Beth and husband Josh, who will welcome their first child in August. Then there's my Dad who will retire in September.

It weird that these situations where we almost stand at a new doorway ever so often. My wonder is if God ever intended for his children to live in a world of levels like our video games and corporate high rises? Did he place an importance on the more experienced or the young; the seniors, the senior citizens, the CEO's, CFO's, Michael Scotts, K5ers, the college freshmen, the professor, Monet and the finger painter.

So am I left to live a life constantly striving towards a new level? Is that what 3 yrs. of college has taught me? Do these summer jobs only act as simple levels of the bigger game of life? Is my Dad about to start a new board in HALO, and is Jordan just simply passing time?

Have we merely made life a real "board" game? Have we made it something to accomplish, to gain?

Can we view it as a real thing once again, something so magical and extraordinary that it could only be created by One?

Wide Open

In the last week, all of the conversations I've had with my friends have had a reoccurring theme.
I'm finding that most people, including myself, have a hard time understanding how God can be enough for them, how they can only be satisfied with friendships, relationships, marriages, parents, anything if they are satisfied with God.

Humans are naturally needy people. I remember one time, I was with a friend who said,
"I'm so glad to be out of that relationship. She was so needy."
Another one of my friends replied,
"Duh, we all are."

So true.

God intended for us to be infatuated with him. We've all seen that guy who literally chases after the girl of his dreams. The epitome of a tool.

David Crowder hit the nail on the head with his song "Obsession."

"What can i do with my obsession
With the things i cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss"

My good friend Jeffery agrees with me that no matter how near or far God may seem, he is always as close as our skin, burning with his love and infatuation for us. It is a love that can only be described divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love.

The word "Agape" means wide open, but it also refers to a Godly Love. God is in limitless, crazy, wide open love with us.

Whats our return? I find that most of the time I am so caught up in my love for yours truly that I can't even give God my attention.

But he still loves. He loves me "Wide Openly." His arms, stretched, nailed to a wooden cross beam, wide open. Every thought, every breath, every single ounce of strength was focused upon one thing. His bride, his love, his heartbeat... us.

We've heard every salvation talk, and then some. But what I must constantly paint in my mind, what I must try to understand, is God's love for you and me.

When I do, I always ask myself this question: "If I am not satisfied with Christ, how can I ever be satisfied with a wife, kids, a job, friends, possessions... anything?"

The answer is simple... I won't be satisfied.

I wonder how it is a man becomes obsessed with the Lord? Its rather simple, just look at John the Baptist. He spent his time prior to his ministry alone, in the wilderness. What he did, who knows. The author John Eldridge would probably speculate the he climbed mountains and played war, Rob Bell would probably say that he found truth, and everyone else probably has their theories about what Ol''e John did in the wilderness.

Heres what I think he did.

I think John woke up before the sunrise and watched the world wake up. I believe he listened to the crackle of a campfire, trying to hear some melodic tune. I see him swimming in a river, and then fishing on its shores. I wonder if he tried to count the stars. I believe he saw everything nature offered, and marveled in it.

He became infatuated with God. And then, he preached the word, preparing the way for the Messiah.

And that's what we have to do. We must explore the depths of God, we must take the time to slow down, and marvel in his creation, and then, we will find satisfaction in him. When we truly know who God is, and how God loves, then we will be able to know how to love him back. Its a true relationship.

In order for a husband to know his wife, he studies her, learning everything about her. He watches her ways, and then learns how to love her. Its not instantaneous, its takes years; a lifetime.

Our love, our desire for God takes time. But, if you set aside the time, to go into the wilderness, away from all the noise, all the distractions and from everyone, we will find our obsession, our focus. We can find God there.

And as we all know, that once you deeply fall in love with someone, you don't fall out.

Pioneer!

I would love pioneer some new thing. Like Steve Jobs with Mac, Bill Cosby with Comedy, Jaco Pastorius on the Bass, I want to do something that no one has done before.

What's funny is that everyone wants to make some new fashion statement, every true musician is looking for that distinct sound, every artist looks for the right view point. Its a human desire to do something that will make their name forever remembered as an innovator or bright mind.

What drives me crazy about the thought of pioneering something is how do you know it is something that has never been processed before? It seems to me the only logical way to pioneer anything to to really trust not in yourself to make this new thing, but trust in God and the people he has placed in your path.

Being a pioneer your either going to be really respected or look like a complete idiot. I remember the first time tried to pioneer a way of singing by getting on the floor beneath my snare drum, holding a mic against the top, with me singing through the bottom. My band mates looked at me like I was crazy. I liked the sound, and wanted to try it.

I guess if your convictions about something lead you to do it in spite of what others say, than your a true pioneer. So hitch up your wagon, a blaze the unknown trail.

Prized Possesions

One of my favorite state mottos is that of Minnesota, which says, “I Long to see what is Beyond!” The old English dictionary translates the word “long” as: “To dwell in thought, to yearn.” (As bad as my English may be, I love words.)

We all long to see what is beyond. A mountain climber always longs to see what is beyond the summit in hopes of gazing upon his next challenge. A child longs to know what is happening at all times. A friend of mine from camp kept count of questions her second grade campers asked from the time they woke up until flag, a total time of about 30 minutes. She lost count in the 60s.

Like children, we long to know what is next and what is beyond our gaze. What we see is the present, what is going on in our everyday lives, but what we want to know is where will I go after college what will my job be, when will I get married, will I get married, will anyone marry me, Texas or South Carolina, Columbia or Nashville, Africa or Orlando?

I know that in the next year I will graduate from college, and that’s about it. Some of you may know your career, but are unsure where you will use it. My sister Meagan will graduate from nursing school in May. I envied her for knowing exactly what she’s going to do until she showed me a list of options for nursing. Who knew nurses could do so much?

Planning for the future is confusing, frustrating, and tough, but it’s not what God designed us to dwell upon. If our focus is on trusting our Sovereign Lord (who, by the way, spoke the world into existence, numbered the stars, knows them by name, knitted us together in our mothers womb, breathed life into us, knows the number of hairs on our heads, sent his son to live among us and die for us, defeated death, and will one day split the eastern sky) then we will not long to see what is beyond us, but instead long for the presence and manifestation of God. Our desire will simply be for Him.

There are those people in our lives that the advice they give is priceless. My grandparents are two of those people. This past July I visited them after I returned from my mission trip to Honduras. As I told them about my trip and my summer, the conversation moved to the subject of my future. My grandmother could see the apprehension all over my face. She looked at me and said, “Worries and confusion are not of God. God will not give you stress, or anxieties.”

As I read James 1:16-18, it reminds me that God has my best interests in mind.
James 1:16-18 says: “ 16 So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.18 He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.

God created everything. He created things so beautiful that they take your breath away; yet, we are His prized possession? God values you so much. Every time you remember that, you will see that He has you and your future in His hands.